I'm not in such a good mood now. As you all know about the economy crisis. I feel like screaming, but silently.

I don't know what to do now. I am currently doing my form 6 which is a A-levels by the government, free of course. My mother wanted to think and make sure of my career path, where my interest really lies. That is why form 6 exist, it is like a free A-level (Tho much harder) for people to make sure the path they want to take is what they want. Not like some people who would go for a diploma course for something and then halfway through, they don't like it and switch. I'll cost a bomb.

While my father, have a really high hope for me due to his own experience, he was left with nothing at the age of 17. He survive the harsh moment alone until now, thus he don't want me to take the same path. He want me to have my own foundation and everything set at the age of 20-ish. Start to pay for a house or a car. Like what the chinese would say, "When you're used to suffer, you still survive if you got a better life and falls back again." He don't want me to take the same path as he does.

I also know how much he wanted me to take over his company (a watch company). But yet, I have no interest dealing with watches. I can pretty much tell i'm not a buisness man. But i'm his son, I should be the one who take over my father's sweat and blood. I feel so weak now, don't know where i should start to seek my path...

Well my classmates organized a surprise party for me 2 days before my birthday, it was awesome. But obviously without pictures its hard to imagine. They invite everyone over for a BBQ party, i did not suspect anything since they invite quite a huge sum of people. So let the picture begins :-

You know the "take the candle out with your mouth" kinda trick, here is mine.

(noooooo, i thought there's no one behind?!)

Then the cake itself which have my nose figure on it . It looks like a model of my nose, inverted.

(awesome!)


Classmates

(Don't ask why our lips looks like we have lipstick on it)

 

Guess who i am XP.

Was fun of course~

Hello guys, my exam is finished!!!

Being myself, who would only care about exam results when the result is out even thought I think I have done badly this term.

Well today, all of my results are back, unbelievably all my subject improved! Except for English, where I have no idea why I got such low marks.

Let's start out with my subjects :-

Biology - The exam was hard, especially the last part where I have no idea how to do, a question that worth 15 marks. When I saw that, I told myself "Shit, you're dead asshole". 15 marks means alot in our exam. Yet when the paper came back today, to my suprise, my score was pretty high and satisfying and I got only 1 wrong for my objective ^{(which is really annoying because you're not totally perfect but close to it)}.
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Physics - What a killer,this is the subject that I wanted to drop because I can understand how it works, but the formula and stuff is just messed up. I thought I might fail this term because the stuff just didn't stay still in my mind, I was worried. Yet again to my suprise, I score better than my last term.
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Chemistry - Well overall I didn't do really well for this, but still managed to score better than my last term. Was satisfying. Like a good meal .
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Maths - this is a really scary subject for me, but atleast I did well in this one, except for some stewpid careless mistakes, all was well done. Even better, i got on par with one of my friend who's really good in maths.

Above all that exciment, I really feel like starting my career as a designer now. Like do some freelancing, but my country's bank doesn't support or recognize paypal. See that? Dammit. I don't know how i should start, since most of the freelance online are paypal based. Geez. Any help from you guys out there =D ?

Oh dammit, I just gotta rant about this. Currently, its the malay's new year called "hari raya". I'm not racist but this incident is just too much.

My neighbour, illegally bought firecrackers (its banned in our country), they bought so much that I have no idea how much did they buy. I've never seen people so inconsiderate, they play their firecrackers at 9PM, fine. 10PM, still fine, but WTF, at 12 mid night?!

That was fine, UNTIL they friggin woke up at 6 something and started making those annoying, noise polluting noises. I tried to speak to them in a very calm and good manner..

Me : "Bang boleh tak jangan main kejap, nak tidur ni..."
Me : "Hey bro, can you stop playing for awhile, we need to sleep"

Him : "Sekarang raya ma~~"
Him : "Its raya now~~"

They kept on playing. Worst, they like to keep accelerating their motorbikes so that they make those "vroom vroom" sounds and emits alot of smoke. My country. Lovely.

Today, happened an event that really questioned me bout my future.

Currently, I'm still struggling to gain sight of the blurry line that shows me which area of occupation I should go to. Psychology? Biologist / Vet? Interior Designer? They are all of my interest, I used to think that I am all about design, what else can go wrong? As I age and mature up, I found the other 2 options that came and started wandering around my head. So unsure of what I would to take up after my A-levels (form 6), I am just simply studying biology, chemistry, physics and maths.

Then today, came a conversation with my friends. We were talking random topics and joking around and suddenly the topic came to giving tuition. As you all know (Well if you don't, now you do) I am someone who have really low self confidence in myself. If one should say I suck at maths, and I would be. So the conversation go on and since I kept listening to their stories, one of my friend just said "If only TTC offers photoshop classes, crays can work there with us too!!". I smiled and join in the conversation.

Then another friend of mine just said, "Nah, the LPS (librarians) are good in photoshop already, they might even teach you back crays~". I felt a slight challenge. It sounds provoking but I know he doesn't mean that as he is someone who usually doesn't meant to hurt someone with their sentences. My confidence in my designing skill falls below zero, I haven't been practicing alot lately, and that adds on to my confidence, making it even lower. A sudden thought of "Should i take away design as my choice of career?" came.

Then after school, there came a lot of "What Ifs".
What if after I study design and my creativity isn't as good as others?
What if that and my pay is low?
What if I get fired?
...
The What if goes on and on...

I feel so useless, why just couldn't the grass on the other side looks greener, at least a hint to tell me what I am made for is good.

Listening to: Sheena Easton - My baby takes the morning train
Now Reading: Conan

Woah, i haven't blog here for quite some time i see.

There's just so many thing bothering me lately, i've just got my P license (driving). But heck, i still can't really like drive. My father wanted me to drive manual, which i have heck lots of trouble in slopes, my car keeps shutting down due to my inability to do quick balancing.

My exam is coming soon and i'm still in my not-studying-mood. You know the feeling that you tell yourself to study, when you pick up the book, you read through it and a few minutes later you tell yourself "I already know all of these". Not sure if you guys have such experience, but i always get that. Pick up my chemistry, and there is nothing really much to read on, i can answer the questions, but my result just sucks. Same for biology and my other subjects.

Something that i wanna rant on is about my physics, i am really encouraged with my friend's motto that is, if you want to drop any subject, drop all subject, or else, take all of them. I wanted to take all 3 subjects, biology, chemistry and physics. I do love physics concept and ideas (like all the big bang and stuff), but i just can't study the subject itself, there is so many formula!!! I always apply them wrongly, linear motion was hard enough, now comes circular motion and much more. I feel so weak.

Oh oh, last friday i got my dissecting set from my seniors who sold it to me for a lower price. Pretty awesome, soon we will be cutting up frogs and rats. WHEEEE (i'm not a sadist okay lol).

There's also this Catch-A-Bug and Catch-25-Bug experiment for my biology task. Seriously, i have to catch roaches. I'm really afraid of them, i'd rather catch a few dozen worms than one roach. To top the fear, my teacher want BIG ones. Like BIG ones. These filthy 6 legged fast moving insects... with my hand to catch them.... NOOOOOOO lol.

Listening to: 侧田 - 決戰二世祖

Yeah , the song is Cantonese , i guess vincent will know this song =3 , it's quite popular xD !

Well , yeah i'm in love again xD . It seem that i can't live without ... loving someone ? I just seem to lost aim when i don't like someone . Like when i love someone , i'll try to be as good as her and therefore , i'll study . else , i won't study LOL . dumb ay ? You all might think i'm very .... errr .... very philander ? lol .

Went out with her today , she wanted to change her phone cover . Well , just we both , kinda nervous at first , but luckily i didn't go mute when i start talking to her LOL . She's very pretty . But i sense that i won't be able to get her (yes i have this feeling every time i try to ... woo a girl) , cause she just broke up with his bf and she don't want a relationship so fast i guess ? But oh well , i'm quite immune to failing now xD .

Anyway , i shall wish everyone in aW a happy chinese new year =3 !!

Listening to: Ragnarok Online - White Christmas

Hello folks . What should i do man ? I felt like the girl i like been giving me some sign , but think again , it might not be a sign . Sniff .

Tomorrow , we'll be having a holiday . We're going out , a big bunch of friends ( 18 of us i think ) . Today when we're in our chemistry lab , doing our stuff . I was talking to her ... and her best friend came and told me (not to warn , just for fun i think) - "later Eu Roy will beat you up !" That just kinda tell me that , she's in love with this guy called Eu Roy . I'm down after that time ... but i still play and laugh . Not to show others .

And Eu Roy is going out with us too tomorrow ... Should i go ? Or should i not ? It's very ... frustrating ....

Listening to: -

Man .... i guess , today is my suckiest day ever in my life so far ....

It seem that the girl i like didn't avoid me ... I saw she gave a love letter to a guy . Well i guess i wasn't meant to get any girls at the first place ... depressing ~~~

Also , i have no idea why , i've been downloading 2 movies 5 days ago , pink panther and eurotrip and oh my gawd , when i came back . The download program was shut off when i reopen it the files ish gone too , i went to the folder where the file is saved . It was both a slightly more to complete and i cannot reconnect to the server to download it ... Shitty .

Also , i felt like i'm quite alone in this piece of land . Felt like i'm from a foreign country ... Can't talk to anyone .

Hope this bad luck can just get lost as soon as possible ....